When we get into trouble as children, we all imagine someone would come to our rescue.

As adults, we still scan the horizon for a hero.

A boss who'll finally recognize our worth. A mentor who'll show us the right path. Or a parent who'll swoop in with the perfect advice.

About fifteen years ago, I learned this lesson the hard way and it completely rewired my brain on how I approach the inevitable obstacles that come our way.

The Dream Job That Became a Nightmare

At 23, I landed my dream job in high finance - everything I’d worked towards since leaving high school.

But before starting, I backpacked around Europe and fell in love.

She (Lex) was Canadian and when it came time for me to return to Australia, she packed up her life and followed me across the world.

Sounds romantic - but being a graduate in professional services is more than a job, it’s a lifestyle.

Late nights bled into early mornings and work consumed 90% of my life.

Lex had left behind her family, friends and life to start over in a country she’d never even seen before. 

She expected the guy she met in Europe - the one downing €2 bottles of sangria in 12-bed dorms and raging until sunrise.

Instead, she got an empty apartment and a boyfriend who was only half-alive by Saturdays.

Looking for a Saviour

After about six months of this, I'd had enough. I was drowning in work and my relationship was suffering. 

So I did what I did as a child - I went looking for someone to save me. I drove to my parent’s house and told my mum I'm thinking about quitting.

"I need to find something with better work-life balance. Something where I can actually be present."

I was expecting sympathy. Some reassurance and permission to take the easier path.

Instead, she bluntly told me…

“Toughen up. Take control of your life and don’t be a sook.”

Ouch – wasn’t expecting that! 

I wanted answers, but instead she gave me responsibility.

It was foolish for me to come looking for a rescue, but it was the hardest truth that we all need to eventually hear in our life.

To understand that reaction, you need to know my mum.

She grew up on a farm outside Sydney, Australia. They didn’t have much, and she was disciplined in doing her best and chasing bigger opportunities.

The kind of focus that would keep her buried in books as her own mum chopped the heads off chickens in the backyard for dinner!

These experiences and her path forged her into someone unbelievably resilient.

To this day at 76, she’s not one to complain. She gets on with it—with that “keep calm and carry on” strength.

I don’t know if she ever had a turn-back moment like I did that day, but this was mine.

The Turning Point

I imagine everyone has one of these in their life. 

Do I give up or do I go forward? Should I turn back?

It took a few hours but something changed inside me that night.

For the first time, I realised it was time to grow up.

Lex and I had an honest conversation.

She admitted how isolating it felt to start over here while I was buried in work, and I acknowledged I hadn’t been the partner she crossed the world for. 

We agreed it was temporary, but it was going to be tough - and we’d face it together.

I stopped waiting for someone else to fix my problems, I started taking ownership.

Your Moment of Truth

That one conversation with my mum was like most of the other painful feedback I’ve ever gotten over the years.

You resent it. It burns. You take it personally.

Then you realise - 'this might be the kick in the arse I need to get better!'

Now when something goes wrong, I don’t look for a hero. I know it's on me.

What's my role in this... What can I control…. What's my next move?

When you take 100% responsibility for everything around you, you stop wasting energy on things you can't control.

It is the most powerful realization you ever have - no one is coming to save you. 

Not your boss, not a mentor, not even your parents.

Thanks, Mum

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